It's sad

I don't remember the last time I had a really good time, I mean really good. Of course, I can remember a few decent times, just content with life. But I don't remember the last time I had a lot of fun. I guess you could call me dull.


Hi I'm dull, I'm not someone you would want to get along with.

I remember when I was a child I used to have friends. Friends that would make me feel better when I was down. Friends I could cheer up.

That's another thing, I'm not funny.

I used to be funny, but somehow over the years, it slowly dwindled into simply, witty remarks.

I guess you could blame it on my friends. To me, I wouldn't exactly even call them friends. they're more of, people-who-you-grew-up-with-so-you-know-them-pretty-well-and-have-had-a-history-of-having-a-good-time-together-but-don't-really-know-you-or-your-idea-of-a-friendship kind of people.

I'm too much of a fail to make new friends. Close friends, that is. I have learned that everyone I would really want to get to know and make part of my life, don't have any interest in me. I hate clingy unwanted people so lately I have just been withdrawing almost completely. Music helps when I'm feeling lonely. I understand it more than a lot of things in life.

Sometimes, from some unknown source, I feel this sudden surge of inspiration to be interesting. To be me. But I usually channel that feeling into something I actually know how to do. Art, writing or music.

That's another problem about me, I don't know how to be me. I don't even know who me is. Its like, I see who I could be. I see who I wish I could be, but there are so many stops. So many things not letting me be real. Its so damn hard being this way.